Solo Work- Part I: Emotion

So, I've decided- I am DEFINITELY working on a solo to "Asilos Magdalena" by The Mars Volta. Not for professional display, more for myself and as a song to dance to if I get the guts to debut at 5 Seasons or Tribal Cafe in the next year...

PART I: The Emotion

It's completely in Spanish and is a very dark, sad and lonely song.

Here's the lyrics, both in Spanish, then translated into English:


Enferemo llegue
y para componerme ando de vago
no me des tu obediencia
porque te eseño mi cuerpo de lobo
de donde la piel estuvo debil
con una hambre que no me deje cantar


en mi vida
el oscuro me mantiene
cuando yo te vi
en la lluvia me
prometistes tu sangre
yo no me quedo


y aqui caiste en este mundo
cargo una navaja dios mio para ti
cuantas veces me mordiste
y cuantas veces yo me fui


ya no estoy enamorado
con tus mentiras
el infierno me duermo
porque el infierno es la unica verdad



en mi vida
el oscuro me mantiene
cuando yo te vi
en la lluvia me
prometistes tu sangre
yo no me quedo


en mi vida
el oscuro me mantiene
cuando yo te vi
en la lluvia me
prometistes tu sangre
yo no me quedo


estrella de la mañana
samael te persigo a ti
y si me quedo sin alas
ademas me muero por ti


estrella de la mañana
samael te persigo a ti
y si me quedo sin alas
ademas me muero por ti



------------

I got here sick
and to make me better I bum arround
dont give me your obedience
because i'll show you my body of wolf
where the skin was weak
with a hunger that doesnt let me sing

In my life
In the dark it holds me
when I saw you
in the rain you
promised me your blood
I cannot stay here

And you fell here in this world
I carry a blade my god for you
how many times did you bite me
and how many times did I leave


Im not in love anymore
with your lies
In hell I sleep
beacuse hell is the only truth

In my life
In the dark it holds me
when I saw you
in the rain you
promised me your blood
I cannot stay here


In my life
In the dark it holds me
when I saw you
in the rain you
promised me your blood
I cannot stay here

Star of the morning
Samael I go after you
And If I loose my wings
I will also die by you


Star of the morning
Samael I go after you
And If I loose my wings
I will also die by you

-----------

OK- by now you're probably thinking- OMG how goth! Yeah, OK, I admit it... I can be a dark little gal... but that's not just it. This song speaks to me on a really personal level and, to be honest, I get really annoyed with how sometimes it seems bellydance performance is all about a) being sexy b)being uppity. And I do appreciate good performances no matter what... but I feel like if I'm doing this to express part of me and to share/communicate with my audience, then I do have more to say then "I'm sexy and I'm sure uppity!"...

Now, as a solo performer, I had to take these lyrics and the mood of this song and say, "yeah, well what do I want to say? What environment am I creating?"

First off, Spanish to English is a but hard to translate at times, so I'll give you the sum of what it means to me...

It's the sad dark emotion of feeling like you came into this world crippled, wounded... It reminds me of my childhood, which was so painful at times that it's hard for me to put into words. This time is still so hard for me to look back on- but for some reason when I heard this song the first time, it took me to this meditative place where I found myself dancing and thinking about my relationship with my father- a very brilliant, yet cruel and manipulative man. A person I severed from when I was 16 because it just wasn't healthy to have him in my life. I find that dancing to this song gives me a healing and a power- to confront the past, to stand up to the pain and say, "there is hope for me and I can look your hurt in the eye and know that you didn't destroy me."

that's especially moving in the lines "estrella de la mañana samael te persigo a ti. y si me quedo sin alas ademas me muero por ti." Though it translates rather oddly, it's basically the idea of using the power and hope inside you to chase your past demons out, with resolution and determination.


And now that I sound hella goth, understand that I'm a wonderfully happy gal now who has fought those demons and won. And that's why I think this appeals to me. It's a sad, tortured song, but it ends with hope.

PHEW that was a mouthful.

Now, do I expect everyone else to get my own past connection? No way :) And I still hold firm that bellydance is not a narrative dance form. But I do believe there is a universal understanding of the ideas of hurt, torment of the past, regret and hope. I think that if I dance to express my connection to this it can be understood by my audience. I think the fault with many dancers trying to communicate their personal feelings through dance is when it becomes narrative- aka "you have to understand this exact link to this song."... which is pretty darned near impossible to do. Instead, it works so much better if you just express what you're feeling in its raw form and let the audience make their own connection.

so, there's part I: the emotion. Next post, the musical breakdown.